Simple Gratitude

The strong wind today reminded me of your strong love, O Lord;
nothing can withstand it safe a stubborn heart.
And even then, Lord, you patiently stand at the heart's door and knock;
who can withstand such love.
I'm yours, Lord,
even when I'm tired and discouraged,
even when I'm anxious and sad,
even when I'm puzzled and perplexed,
I'm yours, Lord, because you said so.
I'm grateful, deeply grateful to you
for your everlasting loving-kindness and faithfulness to me!

What happened on that Thursday before Passover?

To connect with what happened on the Thursday before Passover, read in the gospel of John from chapter 12 on. In John 17, just before He and his disciples went across the Kidron river into the Garden where Judas with a band of soldiers meets them, Jesus lifted His eyes to heaven and said, "Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son may glorify you. For You granted Him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those You have given Him. John 17:1-2 NIV "Now this is eternal life: [it means] to know (to perceive, recognize, become acquainted with, and understand) You, the only true and real God, and [likewise] to know Him, Jesus [as the] Christ (the Anointed One, the Messiah), Whom You have sent. I have glorified You down here on the earth by completing the work that You gave Me to do. And now Father, glorify Me along with Yourself and restore Me to such majesty and honor in Your presence as I had with You before the world existed. John 17:3-5 AMP.

 Jesus, thank you for coming from your glorious eternity to be with us in this dark world, for laying down your majesty and honor, for helping us to understand Who God is through your life of healing and teaching and showing us how to love God and each other, and then laying down Your life for us. Unfathomable Love!

What is going on here?

The Gospel of John has 21 chapters.  Almost half of these are devoted to the six days before Passover, crucifixion, resurrection and its aftermath. It begins in chapter 12, where Jesus is a guest at his friends, Martha, Mary, and Lazarus' home, where Martha hosts a supper in his honor, and Mary pours out that expensive perfume over which Judas gets so upset. As I sit among them it seems that ever since Mary poured that perfume a tension has started to build. A crowd has gathered because they had heard about Lazarus' resurrection from the dead and that Jesus had come. More than ever the chief priests were squabbling about all the attention Jesus was getting and the power they felt they were loosing. The very next day, Jesus is being hailed King by the crowd as he rides on a colt into Jerusalem, and the atmosphere grows ever more tense. The Pharisees are getting more and more angry - but listen to Jesus; do you hear the urgency in his voice as he tries to ever more open his disciples' mind to understand who he and his father really are, how they relate to each other and how they want to relate to the disciples and everyone who ever after will come to believe on them?
Holy Spirit, open our hearts, help us hear and see more clearly! We believe - help our unbelief!

Corner Puzzle Piece: Musings about Easter

Sunday, March 24. The Christian World calls today Palm Sunday. They say it's called Palm Sunday because it relates to the Bible story of when Jesus rode on a donkey into Jerusalem and a crowd surrounded him, many waving palm branches and shouting: "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the King of Israel." Notice, it is individuals in the crowd who spontaneously proclaim him to be the King of Israel. And Jesus does not rebuke them. To the contrary, when the religious leaders of his time heard about it, they "said to one another, 'See, this is getting us nowhere. Look how the whole world has gone after him!'" They were so upset, they immediately plotted to kill him! But the crowd had heard and witnessed Jesus healing and teaching and raising Lazarus from the dead! They knew in their hearts that this was the Messiah, the long expected Savior. They did not understand why the Pharisees, the Sadducees, even the priests and rabbis were so slow in recognizing this. And though they expected him to be a military Savior, at that moment, they gladly and wholeheartedly endorsed him their King. It was not an organized event. It was individual people moved by what they'd observed over a period of time, displaying their conviction.
I've decided this week to contemplate again Jesus' way of life, his mission and how it directly relates to my life today. What response would be my equivalent to waving palm branches and shouting: "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"?

First Seeding

Finally - and I almost forgot to blog about it (or do I mean brag about it:) - I sowed a package of Kale last Friday. So much happened that Friday. Though I had it all planned out - as usual - and it just took on a life of its own - as usual:). First, time did not cooperate with me in the morning, so I went for a walk with Trixie almost two hours later than planned.  When I finally did get to the office, I immediately tackled the report and was just about done when my biller called with totally new information that I had to incorportate into the report. Therefore, I had to do it all over again.  Then, when I was just about ready to FAX it, I heard this funny sound from my computer - it was SKYPE - my sister called with the sad news that she'd been diagnosed with breast cancer. That makes two of my favorite people grappling with cancer; my sister with breast cancer, my friend with kidney cancer. Needless to say, I scrapped my plans to get my taxes done; I did get my report done; and I went home and just before dark, I sowed a package of Kale - because there is always life, especially in the face of death!

Garden Blog 2/26/13

Today is Tuesday. When I got up in the morning the lawn was green, not frosty white, and when the sun started rising in the sky, I knew today was the day to begin working my plan, my hands and my fingers. Nothing too serious, just cleaning up along the east wall of the house. That's all I had time for. But it felt good to free some plants from winter debris, getting some of that Japanese clover out, dig around some of the perennials, and trimming the corner shrub. I'm planning on working the south side of the house and perhaps even section 2a, because the spurge is about ready to do some serious growing and there is quite a bit trimming back and digging out to do.  Juergen said the Garden Club is looking for some starts to sell, so - we'll see! Today was a good start! 

The Most Important Puzzle Piece

Through most of my life I've wondered what real love is? Though at times hottly disputed, the answer is still surprisingly simple and at the same time deeper than I can ever fathom:

"The Lord appeared from of old to me saying Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, with loving-kindness have I drawn you and continue my faithfulness to you." Jer. 31:3 AMP
An "everlasting love" - a love so deep and wide and high that it does not only include yesterday, today, and tomorrow, but ALL my yesterdays, ALL my todays, ALL my tomorrows because HE knew me before I became aware of Him, and He faithfully draws me with HIS loving-kindness all the days of my life and will continue to love me throughout eternity because that is His character.
Here is how I personalize it: You God, my Creator and Redeemer love me with your everlasting love; you do NOT HAVE love, you ARE love. You draw me with loving-kindness because you ARE loving-kindness. You have loved me before I was born, and you continue your faithfulness to me throughout all eternity because you ARE faithfulness.
Dear Lord, I pray that I may become increasingly aware of your love, your loving-kindness, and your faithfulness in my life and be responsive to your drawing! Amen!

Garden blog 2/20

Nope! Still too cold in the morning, both, yesterday and today. Instead, I dehydrated some apples and bananas! Yum! Onion bread turned out soso; I think I want to make it a little less thick AND I need to score it before drying:). The zucchini crackers turned out well; again, I need to score it before it is too crisp. Also, I probably could make four recipes of the Onion bread to fill the dehydrator. Or two of each. I wonder if I could make a sweet bread cracker for Juergen to eat with yoghurt. Checking it out - thanks to the ease of using the internet!

Garden Post 2/18

Ha! So much for early morning gardening desire! It was way too cold! Of course, it probably also had to do with the fact that I went to bed after midnight and woke up with a hangover! I get hangovers from going to bed to late.  But I put a batch each of Onion Bread and Zucchini crackers in the dehydrator and baked a batch of Tuna treats for Trixie! It might be the first and last batch - it scented up the whole house with fish smell. Unbearable!!! Mixed with the smell of the onions - I wanted to go stay the night in a motel! I woke up sick to my stomach, groggy, foggy, barely able to shuffle to the coffee machine.  In fact, I went straight for the Exedrine - ah, good old Exedrine, it finally helped break through the fog:)! I did get a few other things done before leaving for the office and am grateful for the accomplishments of the rest of the day. Perhaps there warmer sunshine will fuel my gardening desire tomorrow!

Food for the Soul

Today is the 17th of February. The sun is shining; it seemed warm but the wind took the temp down a notch or two. My early white crocus have been blooming for the last week and today I spotted a yellow one. Ahh yes, food for the soul.  There is nothing like garden therapy. It's exercise for the body and eventually yields food for it too. But more than that - the dialogue between digger and soil, planter and plants, weeder and weeds is food for the soul and inexhaustible. It reaches back into past, grounds me in the present, stretches into the future, and for me always references the Creator.  The lessons repeat until learned, but the landscape changes from year to year - never a boring moment! This year, I'd like to keep track of lessons learned and gems gleaned during the gardening year via my garden blog. Secretly I hope it will help me become more disciplined and bless me with the joy of writing, something I've wanted to do for so many years.  Who knows where it might lead:).
The first thing, now that the crocus have announced the birthing of Spring, is to get organized.  It's something I think should really just flow from one year into the other but somehow that just never happens.  So in my mind, I can be very organized and disciplined but how to manifest it still eludes me.  Praise the Lord, He is granting me another day, perhaps even a full Spring, with Summer and Fall to follow!? All the more reason to see if I can hold on to it through writing about it.
I like to divide my garden into six sections and work in each section once every week.  In that way, I hope to keep up with tending to planting, weeding, and maintaining.  Hope is the operative word.  In a perfect world, I'd set it up and then it would just work exactly that way.  In my imperfect world, it at least gives me a certain structure that helps me keep on hoping to do better this week and the most amazing thing is that my flowers have never said that they'd withhold their blooming until I'm done with the weeding.  In fact, they sometimes help with covering up some of the weeds although that is not as helpful as one might think and most of the time the weeds will triumph eventually if not kept in check.
So when I think of the divisions this year, I think of the section around the east and south side of the house to the deck as #1, including the strip with the bushes and the roses, and also along the driveway (watering sections 1 and 2?); the middle section from the big gate to the back where the Korean Fir stands sentinel #2a, #2b, and #2c (watering section 3?); the south section along the fence from the big gate to the hill where the pine is #3 (watering section 4?); the back of the house #4; the hill; and the garden section.  The watering sections 5 and 6 of the first watering timer and the sections on the second watering timer will change because of the changes Juergen is making to the lines.
Juergen is taking the cement blocks of the raised beds apart and will use them to replace the wooden block barrier in the back of the hill.  Though he meant well, they did not work out as well as he had thought.  I'm glad we're redoing the area, it's still a plan in progress.
This blog is today's contribution to the garden; getting organized so I can start working the plan tomorrow.  By the end of this week, I hope to have done the following:

• raked out the vegetable area that Juergen rototilled (Mon)
• cleaned out winter debris along the east side of the house (Tue)
• weeded alongside the driveway (Wed)
• Thursday is a non-gardening day because of my work schedule
• weeded out winter debris section #2a (Fri)

Wow! Here goes my week as regards my garden - I'll keep remembering that it is my therapy! I'm planning to work no longer than 2 hours at a time, more or less:).

Yippety, Skippety! My heart sings!

Feedback for the Groundhog from Clarkston, WA

You said that spring would be early this year and you know what? I think you're right! My early crocus are blooming, tulips and daffodils are sticking their leaves up three inches and signs of spring are everywhere!Yesterday was a warm sunny day and my husband rototilled a bed for lettuce, kale, beets and perhaps cabbage and broccoli.  Tomorrow, I think I will sow lettuce and kale and see what will happen.  Today, we had a bright sunny morning but by afternoon the wind kicked up and it looked as if it would be raining.  No such luck though - unfortunately.  My friend Kris who lives up in Grangemont said she still has a lot of snow on the ground and my sister, Maya, in Switzerland said yesterday that they are still deep in winter.  Now THAT does not surprise me - it's Switzerland! But I'm glad we're in the waking up stage! Waking up to spring. That reminds me of waking up to the springtime of God's love in my life, in your life. Are we waking up? Are we asleep? How can we tell? I want to contemplate that in another post.

You are never alone

Alone. I came home today from the memorial service for a friend and found a note from my husband, saying that he had gone up the river and would be "home by dark." I felt alone.

I sat down with a cup of hot tea and asked myself what about being alone right now feels so different. Most of the time I don't mind being alone, in fact I often crave time by myself after being with other people. Much of my work involves being with others, actively listening to painful experiences of their life. Wether at the office or at home, being alone allows me to relax and refresh my energies. 

So when I listened to my question 'what about being alone right now feels so different?' I became aware of the heartache. It was not the being alone, it was the painful awareness that I'd never interact with my friend again in this life. I'd not seen her for awhile.  After we graduated from Grad school, we went back to our respective homes which were hundreds of miles apart. We had discussed some ideas about working together but each of us became busy in our spheres of influence.  When I heard from her about five years later, it became clear that though we had the same degree, her passion was to work with troubled families, mine to work with individuals. She asked me for a letter of recommendation for a position with WA State Children and Family Services which I gladly wrote and shortly after that she moved here. Still later, she opened her own agency to help troubled families and then contracted with Nez Perce County Court Services.  Both of us were busy with out work and families but every so often our paths would cross professionally. I think my last conversation with her was a few weeks ago over the phone, a professional referral. But I loved her and I think she loved me.

I loved her spunkiness, she was funny, full of life; tough she'd experienced a lot of heartache in her life, both in her family of origin and her own family and personal life. That's were her passion to help families came from. And help she did - the number of people attending her funeral and their stories testified to that. Professionals from the courts and individual families and friends shared how she encouraged and mentored and modeled love and kindness. I too shared how her kindness had touched my life when just before graduation I had an accident and she took me into her little studio appartment and cared for me for several days. 

And now I realize once more that I'm in the process of converting a living relationship into a memory relationship. It's what I teach some of my clients who have difficulties with letting go of loved ones who've died. That aching, longing, painful feeling is from going through that change. I'll not fight it, for fighting it leads to more pain.  I'll surrender to the process once more. Having gone through it before, it's not entirely unfamiliar. And as I surrender I become aware, I'm not alone, I'm in the presence of our Creator, Redeemer, and Restorer, Jesus Christ the Life Giver, our Lord and our God. We're never alone.

Third Puzzle Piece

Today a friend helped me to understand more about navigating the Blogger site.  I feel blessed and more hopeful than ever that I'll understand this particular technology enough to do some meaningful blogging in the near future. This hopefulness motivates me to spend a bit more time in this site to speed up the process.  O Yes!!! I'm so glad! Thank you my friend!

First puzzle piece

You know, the other day I decided to check and see what blogging might really be like.  I've wanted to do this for quite a while but have always been hesitant because of privacy concerns.  If I blog, I want it to be something meaningful, but before I publish it, I'd want to make sure it IS meaningful and I'd want to know exactly who will see what I've written.

I also have been wondering for a while what exactly I'd blog about.  Would it be something personal or professional? On the personal level, what would I want to share?  It seems to me it is so easy to be misunderstood on the written page and I've had a terrible experience when I finally decided to write just an innocent remark about something meaningful to me.  It was not even addressed to someone in particular, just a comment to someone's post.  It was taken personally, the person was offended, presupposed malice and then spread the perception to family.  As a consequence, extended family is now experiencing a chasm that I'm not sure how to bridge.  

Because of that experience, I'm a little gun-shy about freely  expressing how I think about certain things because at heart I'm a kind, friendly, compassionate person and offending someone, whether family, friend, or stranger is the last thing on my  mind. 

I'm also  passionate about certain subjects like how thinking and feeling hang together and how we can gain control over what we think and feel, which will also impact how we act.

As I am writing this, I realize that I've moved into my professional life, I'm a counselor, but whether I'm working with clients or relating to my husband or friends, this subject is very, very important to me.
So, when someone shared with me about their blog and informed me that a blog can even be a personal diary where I'm the only person who will see what I've written, I finally decided to give it a try.  Even so, I found it not as easy as I had expected.  It seems like one has to question every question that's being asked.  Simply choosing not to share with anyone is not a one-time choice, it has to be reaffirmed over and over again; it feels like there are all these traps one could step into if not carefully examining step by step.

At the end of this window is a button that says "Share." Just above that button I have an area where I can add names, circles, or email addresses, there are more options like adding photos, videos, events, and links.  So what will happen if none of that applies because I use this blog as a personal diary for right now? And could I later change my mind and share these thoughts? I guess I'll just have to press that "Share" button to find out what happens next.